I hope you dance…..

I meant to add ths song in the last post….but decided to just put it here instead.  This song…..is such a beautiful song…..and it’s one that I used to sing to my daughter years ago when it first came out.  I still have ALLLL of these hopes and dreams for her.  I hope she just realizes them before it’s too late!!!

Published in: on March 8, 2008 at 6:42 pm  Comments (1)  

She wrote this…….

I go pretty often to a website that I have bookmarked here called Oxycontin Awareness.   It is plastered with story after story of  the HELL the drug Oxycontin has put individuals and families through.  But worse yet….of the many deaths caused by this drug!!!!!   I try not to stay there for a long period of time….because it gets too painful after I read for a while.  Just knowing that my daughter is ONE pill away from being a death listed there…..is too much to cope with!!!
While I was there today……I found this.  I had given my daughter the website address and had asked her to go there and just READ.  I didn’t really think she would…..but she did.  And this is what she had to say:

“Hello, My name is Kara..and I am a recovering addict to this horrible drug OxyContin. I just want to tell everyone out there that this drug is NO JOKE!! I have lost so much from my addiction. My children are the most important thing Ive lost, but most of all I almost lost my LIFE! I started using this drug just every now and then, then it became a everyday..two to three times a day sometimes more. Its all I ever thought about. I always would look down on people who used needles. Said I would NEVER do such a thing..WELL I DID! After I started using that way, I got out of control! I lost my children. I lost my home, my car. I lost EVERYTHING and everyone around me. But at the time I didn’t care, I only cared about one thing, and one thing only. My next high! Not to long after I started using a IV I got a really big knot on my lower arm…Looked almost like I had broken it! and thats what I told my family “I think I broke my arm!” Well what they didn’t know, was that was from me shooting up! I got a staph infection and had to have it lanced! It was one of the most painful things Ive been thru. After that happened I swore up and down I was NEVER doing that again. Well I lied. To everyone around me and to myself. It got WORSE! Not long after that I was admitted into the hospital with this “un-known” infection in my kidneys. I honestly thought I was going to die. I was in so much pain I could hardly move! I was in there for 5 days. On VERY powerful meds to get this out of my system. I finally got better. But I wasn’t better at all. I have been down this road struggling with addiction for the past 4 years. I knew If I didn’t do something I was going to die. I would go visit my Mom and she would just look at me and cry, she would say “Sweetie you look awful, are you eating?” or “Kara if you don’t stop what your doing your going to die”. So I listened. This hasn’t been easy, But I’m doing it. Me seeing my children, in another home. Not with their mother, KILLS ME! I know they are in a better place, They are with friends of mine and my moms. Going to church. Learning so much! But it still hurts! Hurts that they are not with ME! I am working at it. My kids are my hope. Everyday I want to use, I think of my kids! They need me, and at the rate I was going, I wasn’t going to be around for them at all..another thing that keeps me clean is I have recently started a online support group for Recovery/Addiction for Single Mothers! I haven’t had it long, But being involved in something like this really helps keep my mind where its supposed to be! So anyone interested fill free to join! Its on YAHOO GROUPS and its called recovery_singlemothers. I would love to hear from you! I want everyone out there that is reading this to know I understand what your going thru. I have been there. I just want you to know there is help. You just cant be afraid to ask for it!!! Kara!”

Maybe I shouldn’t have copied and pasted it here……..but I wanted those of you who read regularly to see it……and maybe have some kind of input.
Everything with my grandchildren is still up in the air.  I thought things with my granddaughter were all settled…….but the father filed something in court to stop the people who have her from getting custody of her.  So now…….on April 3rd…….BOTH of my grandchildren’s fate will be up for grabs.  With a judge that has to make a decision as to what happens to both of them.  My granddaughter’s father has only seen her 3 times in 2 years……..very caring…….huh!!!!!
It’s just ONE HUGE MESS………..TAHITI does sound good bout right now!

Published in: on March 8, 2008 at 6:12 pm  Comments (4)