Stupid SHIT!!!!

I am soooo angry……have been since last night!!!   I know this blog says MOTHERTOANADDICT……but I’m also the wife of an ALCOHOLIC!!!  Aren’t I just SOOO lucky……not one…..but TWO addicts in my family.  And I wonder why I’m about to lose my mind……pfffft!!!  Who wouldn’t???????

I came home last night……and found my husband drunk…..and mouthy which is the way he gets when he’s drunk.  Had such a stressful day at work….then come home to THAT!!!  Yaaaaay ME!!!!!!  I’m so lucky.  He finally got mad at me and went upstairs.  I stayed downstairs and sang a song on my karaoke site.  My stress reliever site!!!!  Went upstairs around 10:30 and he was listening to Rod Stewart on the computer… he didn’t even hear me come in the bedroom.  I climbed in bed……and about 30 mins later…..he was goin out the bedroom door and I asked him where he was going.  I’m terrified when he gets drunk he will get in the car and drive to get more alcohol!!!  He finally saw me laying there and asked how long I had been there.  I told him…….and I could tell he wanted to “talk” some more.  I finally just went to sleep……..PISS on it!!!! 

He’s still sleeping this morning……….there will be a huge argument when he wakes up!!!!  I’m tired of this!!!!!

My daughter…..well last night she showed me her wrist……that is swollen and I’m sure infected…..where she used a dirty needle no doubt.  This happened once before…..and she had to go to the ER and get it lanced…..and was on antibiotics!!! 

It NEVER EVER ends around here.  And people wonder why there are days I wish I was DEAD??????????   hahahaha…….funny!!!!!

 Ok……done ranting!!!!


Published in: on February 16, 2008 at 10:05 am  Comments (7)  

Just SO tired….

Well… I am again!  

Seems as if I hardly ever have anything good to write about lately.  I try to stay positive…..and find all the good things in my life…..but other than me and my family are alive …..which is a wonderful thing……that’s about all that going good right now. 

Yesterday was the court hearing to determine the custody of my grandbabies.  I THOUGHT my grandaughter’s custody was in the bag….and all I had to worry about was  my grandson.  Boy was I WRONG……!!!!!!!! 

The judge kept my grandson with the family that has him.   His father gets visitation as well as my daughter.  I was really worried that he would be placed with his dad…..not that his dad is a bad person….but he likes his beer, and has been known to get very drunk……often!  He has also been known to drive with the kids in the car while drunk……which I only found out about AFTER the fact.  I was not happy… say the least! 

My grandaughter on the other hand…..was pretty much a done deal.  Her father had only seen her 3 times in her 2 short years.  Her grandmother had only seen her 2 times.  When my daughter and I got off the elevator at the courthouse, and walked around the corner, she said to me “Mom…..isn’t that Kayleigh’s other grandma?”  I looked at her and said NOooooo…..that wouldn’t be her.  They don’t care what happens to Kayleigh….if they did they would have made an effort to see her!!!  The more I looked at this woman….the more I was convinced it WAS the grandmother.  I got up and walked over to her and sat down and said to her “WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE???”  She said….we only found out about this on Weds…..and my son couldn’t get here in time… I’m here representing him!  I almost broke down right there.  I asked her WHY……WHY did he care?  He hadn’t seen Kayleigh or been a part of her life…….why all of a sudden is he showing interest in her.   I had to hold my daughter back…..she was ready to go at this woman.  The anger she had….was soooo bad that she was shaking so much I thought she was gonna pass out!   

The witnesses were are called into the courtroom.  I guess Kayleigh’s father is hiring an attorney.  I am  SCARED out of my wits.  Surely to GOD they would NOT give this little girl to a man that doesn’t even KNOW her……and that she has no idea who he is. 

So as of now…..they are scheduling a court date for the custody of Kayleigh.  

Yesterday… daughter talked to a Pastor…….about her life……the drug use, the children, her attempted suicide the night before that I had NO CLUE about, getting her life straightened out, reaching out to God for help…….and most importantly being a MOTHER to her children!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was so happy to hear her say those things.  She has lost everything.  Her kids…..her car…..her job…..everything that mattered to her.  I pray this is what it takes for her to change!!!!!!  God how I pray this……….

Til next time…..I will try to stay in closer contact with you all so you will know what is going on!


Published in: on February 9, 2008 at 9:18 pm  Comments (3)  

Good morning!

Hi all!  

Very sorry for not being around more.  Things are about the same as they were, except for the fact that my grandaughter is now in the custody of the family that has her.  Since her biological father didn’t contest the custody… was granted to them within a 3 week period.  She is doing WONDERFULLY!!!   They are a fantastic family with 4 other kids.  The difference in her is remarkable!!!!  She is no longer a little shy thing that goes off in a corner when people raise their voices.  Now she is a little social butterfly…  Talks non stop and is happy and healthy and LOVES to sing……sooooo cute!!!  I still can see her most anytime I want.  And when she knows she is coming to my house she gets all excited cause she knows she’s gonna see her Mamaw and Papaw!!!!

My grandson is still with the people that had him……except his biological father is fighting for custody of him.  In a normal circumstance…..I would say that he needs to be with him.  But he is FAR better off with the family that has him right now.  His dad has lots of problems… of them is drinking.  Is he capable of taking care of him?  Yes……but not in a way that he should be taken care of.  Which is what he is getting with the family he is with right now. 

My daughter……I think she is doing just a little better.   I’m not sure about the drug use…..because I could rarely tell before when she was using unless she was nodding out.  She says she is not using……but she’s said that to me before……so I don’t know for sure.  She wants her babies back……but I told her just last night…..her babies deserve all that life has to offer them, and right now……she can’t give them that.  She can’t even take care of herself……so how is she supposed to take care of them?

I have finally came to terms with the fact that my grandchildren are with two different families.  There are still days I have LOTS of guilt for not having them with me.  But I know in my heart…..they are far better off right where they are.  At least this way…..I can be their grandmother and not their mother.  Which is the way it is supposed to be! 

The depression has it’s days.  Lately I have been a little scared because those bad thoughts have been flooding my head.  The ones that I had in July……..that put me in a suicide crisis unit.  I truly hope and pray this is just a temporary thing with me and that it won’t get worse. 

Hugs to you all…….and thanks for reading and for your support!!!


Published in: on February 2, 2008 at 9:48 am  Comments (2)