Monday, Monday…….

I know…..I’ve been a little quiet lately.  It’s just that not EVERY day something happens.  I’ll take quiet ANY day to the drama that I have had recently.

Daughter update:

She still has a job…..not sure how….but she does.   She has missed more work than she has worked.   I just don’t know how she does it.

The babies are still with her boss.  Who is doing a wonderful job taking care of them.  I’m glad my daughter has someone willing to do that for her.  I wish….I could!!!

I guess I just keep waiting for the bomb to drop.  Any time I get some peace and tranquility……I can’t enjoy it because I feel like it is the calm before the storm… to speak.  I’ve got to learn to enjoy every single second I have….that is peaceful….because they are few and far between.

Have a great day!


Published in: on September 17, 2007 at 1:23 pm  Comments (1)  

Happy day-Sad day!

I finally got to see my grandkids today.  I called the lady who is keeping them and asked her if  I could have them today since I was off work.  She said “sure” I’ll bring them by on my way to work.  I had forgotten just how much of a handful those two can be……..together……lol.   BOTH still in diapers.  BOTH very demanding and needy!   BOTH wanting to be held and have lots of my attention at the same time.  And only one ME…

They are growing and changing so fast.   I love them so much I can’t even begin to tell you…..unless you have grandkids……just what they can do to your heart.   I don’t think I’ve ever experienced anything that remotely resembles how I feel about them.  I love my own children more than my life……this is just different.  It’s a bond…..and bond like I can’t explain.  Knowing that a child YOU gave birth to and nurtured and loved……gave birth to them…..just doubles the love.

My daughter called me and asked me if I would go with her down to the health department to get a DNA test done on her son.  Even tho we know her ex is the father….it still has to be done for the child support thingy.  I went with her…..and we took both kids.  Her ex was there…..and I kinda felt sorry for him.  He told her he had lost his whole family.  Even tho her daughter isn’t his child…..he has been the only thing she has ever known as a dad.  And he was very good to her.  Treated her just like she was his own.  On the way home… daughter and I had a long talk.  For the first time in a long time…..we didn’t argue…..or yell.  We just talked… a normal mom and daughter.  If there really is such a thing.  She told me she was SO confused right now.  She has a new guy in her life.  (I think she needed some time without anyone…..with just her and the kids…..but that’s just my opinion….and we know how my opinion goes over with her.)  She said she really cares deeply about this new guy.  But there is still that longing…..that she and her ex could make it.  I know this can’t happen.  They are toxic for each other.  All they do is fight.  In front of the children…….it’s awful!  I told her I had been right where she was…..and had those same feelings……but she needed to use her brain and not just go on nothing more than feelings.  She just looked at me and said….”Mom, I’ve screwed up so many times”  I don’t know what to do!   I need my kids with me…….could you help me get a place of my own?   I’m not sure how I feel about that.  I know she needs to be on her own…..but with her….being on her own means, boredom…..freedom…..and DRUGS.

It’s a scary feeling…….for me!

Later this evening……the lady who is keeping them right now came with my daughter to get them.  My daughter kissed them both and held on so tight………and sobbed!  I cried……because as HER mother……I knew how her heart was breaking right then.  Her daughter looked at her with those huge blue eyes and smiled and leaned over and kissed her.  I had to leave the room…… was so hard.   She left…….and the kids left with the lady who’s keeping them.

When they left…..I sat and cried.   I know in my heart that eventually this will all work out the way it’s supposed to.  But right now…’s hard to deal with.

Til next time……hugs to ya”ll

Published in: on September 10, 2007 at 10:04 pm  Comments (3)  

Hi Ho….Hi Ho….it’s back to work I go!

Today starts my long week of working.   I get so tired of working…….sometimes I joke and say I should have been born a rich little princess…..then I wouldn’t HAVE to work!!!   LOL

Since I’m NOT a princess……..well you know!!!

I really appreciate those of you that have written comments on what I post.   I have been in a major funk lately and haven’t wanted to even talk to anyone…..on here…..or the phone…..or in person.   This is the way I get when things are bothering me.   I tend to dwell on them.  I’m a thinker……always have been.  Plus I’m co-dependent!!!   Put those two together and it’s a recipe for DISASTER…….. 😦

I’m thoroughly convinced that I can fix it all……not really….but in the past I sure have tried hard enough.

I’m still so worried about my daughter….and my grandkids.  She hasn’t seen them since last Thursday.  I got very angry with her yesterday and told her that this was crazy.   Her kids needed her….and needed to be with her.   She says she’s trying……trying to find a place for them to live.  The more I talk about it, the more upset I get.   I wish so much that I was mentally and physically able to take care of both of them.  Then I would just keep my mouth shut……and slowly move them in with me.

I guess everything will work out the way it’s supposed to……..eventually.

Published in: on September 5, 2007 at 12:53 pm  Comments (5)  

I’m back……

Jim and I took a much needed mini-vacation last week.   I had a blast…..didn’t wanna come home.   If I ever get the opportunity to move to Gatlinburg, Tenn.,  I’m goin for it.   I love that place.   So peaceful and serene in those mountains.   I took lots of pictures, so when I get them developed I’ll put some on here…..providing they turned out ok.   The camera I used was left at my house by the people I bought the house from.   They didn’t want it, and it’s a JEWEL.   A Minolta Maxxum 7000.   I LOVE it…..just hope it works.   I’ve never taken any pics with it until last week, so we will see.

Update on my daughter.

Nothing has really changed.   She still has her job…..but only by the skin of her teeth.   She has been late several times…..and also has taken a longer lunch break than she is supposed to.   Her boss must be a very patient lady….that’s all I can say.   Cause I would have already fired her by now!

All day Friday I had this horrible feeling that I just couldn’t shake.   You know one of those feelings where you just KNOW something bad is gonna happen.   But it didn’t….thank God!!!   I was so edgy all day long….and by that night, I just broke down and started crying.

I miss my grandkids…….so much!   I haven’t seen them in over a week.   Now I’m sure some of you are saying….huh?   Just a week???   But the oldest grandchild…..lived with us over a year and I saw her every single day.   She and I have this special bond like I’ve never had with anyone.   Not seeing her for a week has really messed me up.   She has been with my daughter’s boss.   They are there….more than they are with my daughter.   It’s not really a bad thing, tho.   They are being taken care of, going to church, and there’s not any yelling or fighting in front of them.   In other words……they aren’t around a bunch of DYSFUNCTIONAL people!!!   I tell myself this on a daily basis…..sometimes it works…..sometimes it doesn’t.   I miss them….and that isn’t gonna change!   I just wish I was physically and emotionally able to take them myself.   But I know I can’t……unless I had to….then I would have no choice.   I just want what’s best for them…..and sometimes… isn’t always what I want.   I want my daughter to step up to the plate and be a responsible mother….and take care of her own kids.   And understand that children learn what they live.   But I don’t see that happening anytime soon, either.

Hope all is well with all of you……and thanks for the comments and advice!

Hugs to ya’ll


Published in: on September 2, 2007 at 12:13 pm  Comments (4)